| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2009|02:47 am] |
To Harry and every other stupid boy out there...
goodbye. goodbye. goodbye. I'm never thinking of you again
To Vivian and Melissa
please, leave me alone this year. Forget me so I can forget you.
To the love of my life
I'm here and I'm ready! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2008|08:50 pm] |
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I think it's time for a career change. Makeup is starting to depress me. The way these women talk to people in stores is ridiculous. "Hi, how are you today?" "Spice" They have become so conditioned to being served that when I stare blankly at them and reply "yes? what about it?" they are shocked that I didn't run and get it for them. Or if I do grab a box then they demand, "well I'd like to see it before I buy it!" I hate those fucking upper west side bitches. The way they obsess over finding the right shade of pink/brown/red is fucking moronic. It doesn't look good anyway. And there's another thing that is depressing me. Some people are just unattractive. No matter how sweet or kind or polite they may be, they usually get brushed aside because just one look will tell you, there's not much I can do to help. And that actually breaks my heart. They're the ones who need the most help, and will wait patiently and be so polite when they receive it. And, really, at the end of the day, it is just makeup. It comes off every night. So what can I really do for you? I once changed this lady's life with concealer. She had just gone around living with these killer dark circles, but I opened her eyes (excuse the pun) and she would come by everyday just to say thank you. It was so sweet, but it started to get to me. Because, what did I do? I sold her a fifteen dollar concealer, a thirty dollar brush to put it on with, a thirty dollar eye cream that helps in the effort, and a twenty five dollar powder to set it all. More importantly though, I got her fixed. I got her on a routine that she'll probably follow for the rest of her life. That's what they pay me for, for snagging that repeat offender. And for what? I'm like a drug dealer. I have your quick fix, but it's nothing permanent. Your concealer isn't going to make your problems go away, and I sure as hell can't. I've got enough damn problems and insecurities of my own to actually care what your powder shade is, and sadly, that's probably what I'm thinking about while I'm trying to match you. It's all so depressing. Like I'm selling empty dreams. And I'm buying them too. If I have the right amount of black eyeshadow and the tannest skin in the room, maybe I can make him look twice. And god, does it hurt when you know it doesn't matter. I really don't care if this sounds conceited, but I'm saying this because I'm sure it will come off that way. I can only assure you that I don't think any better of myself because I am most likely prettier than you are. I can often walk into a room and be the prettiest one in it. I can make men's heads turn and women's eyes glare. But the men are thinking "God, I'd like to fuck her," while the women are thinking "God, I'd love to kill her." I'm the one they want to fuck while, you're the one they want to marry. So does that leave me screwing your husband on the other side of your picket fence? I don't have such high regard for sex anymore. I am jaded and desensitized and boy, how that scares me. Isn't that the way hookers get started? In search of a quick buck and an easy fuck and who really gives a shit cause it's just sex, right? The thing is, I look cheap. Cheap and easy. I can't afford your clothes, or your restaurants or your apartment. The yellow in my skin and the last nine letters of my name give me away. And you can see right through me. I am the Designer Imposter version of yourself. I have the tiny dog, but mine has Kennel Cough. And the worst part about it all is I'd give anything for that. Not the money or the clothes or luxury apartment, but the power. I swear, people look at you differently. People can't see through a vintage mink coat, only my polyester hoodie. I just want to be more like you. And I feel like I'm running out of time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2008|12:10 pm] |
maybe I'm just too broken. Maybe I'm just so far gone I can't even see how socially awkward I am, or maybe they can see how many different pieces of me there are and it's just far too much to deal with.
I just came on here with the intent of getting everything all out on paper, whether it made sense or not. But that's all I could get through before I started to cry. And now it's over |
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| Let's Contrast and Compare |
[Feb. 6th, 2008|02:22 am] |
----------Last Person Who -------------
x. Slept in your bed: me
x. Saw you cry: some people at the bus stop today
x. Made you cry: stupid people
x. You shared a drink with: Brittany and Jasmine
x. You went to the movies: Miles or Brittany
x. You went to the mall with: I went by myself yesterday
x. Yelled at you: that hasn't happened in a while
x. Sent you an email: Ellen, my bosses boss
---------------HAVE YOU EVER---------------
x. Have you ever liked someone who hadn't like you?: sometimes it ends up that way, but they usually like me in the beginning. Boy, does that say something
x. Said "I Love You" and meant it? always
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: AJ is always playing tricks on me, but we never fight
x. Been to California: nope
x. Been to Hawaii: nope
x. Been to Mexico: yup
x. Been to Europe: hopefully this summer
x. Been to Canada: nope...apparently, I havent been that many places..
x. Danced naked: yeah
x. Do you have a crush on someone: yesss
x. What book are you reading now: Naked by Dave Sedaris
x. Worst feeling in the world: helpless
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? just Tristan
x. What's under your bed: mostly shoes or AJ
x. Favorite sport to watch: boxing
x. Siblings: 1
x. Location: NY
x. College plans: finish?
x. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: not presently
------------------------EXTRA STUFF----------------------
x. Do you do drugs: not really anymore
x. Do you drink: sure
x. What are you most scared of: people shattering and moving cars without drivers
x. Where do you want to get married: I dunno, somewhere pretty
x. Who do you really hate: hmm... Caitlin, China, Victoria... bitches
x. Been in Love: yes
x. Do you drive: ha, no I'm terribly afraid of killing someone
x. Do you have a job: yes, I'm a MAC artist and I rule
x. Do you like being around people: only a selct few, not most people
----------------STUFF---------------------
x. Have you ever cried over something or someone of the opposite sex did: usually thats the case
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go for? not really
x. Want someone you don't have right now: yeah, a little
x. Are you lonely right now: that's a loaded question
x. Song thats sticks in your head a lot: right now I'm listening to alot of Bright Eyes
x. Do you want to get married: YES
x. Do you want kids: yes, 3...a boy and two girls
----------------FAVORITE---------------------
x. Room in house: bedroom, I'm still working on perfecting it, but I'm much much closer
x. music: most things
x. Band(s): KTBSPA
x. Color: pink and like emerald green
x. Perfume or cologne?: perfume?
x. Month: November
x. Stone: Pink diamonds
--------------IN THE LAST WEEK, HAVE YOU---------------
x. Cried: yes
x. Bought something: yes, makeup...60% bitches and I'm desperately hunting a Juicy Couture doggy bag for less than $300
x. Gotten sick: yes
x. Sang: yes
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: I always do
x. Met someone new: I dont think so
x. Missed someone: often
x. Hugged someone: prob not very well
x. Kissed someone: no
----------- I N F O R M A T I O N ------------
Name: Erica Elyse
Status: Local Celebrity
Sex: female
Birthday: November 7,1985
Hair color: pink
Eye color: green
Height: 5'3"
----------- F A S H I O N | S T U F F --------------
Where is your favorite place to shop for clothes?: H&M and forever 21 cause I'm a broke bitch
Favorite designer?: umm...marc jacobs
What is your sexiest outfit?: everything I wear is pretty damn sexy
What is your most comfortable outfit?: my VS PINK sweats
What do you usually wear? black
-------------- S P E C I F I C S -------------------
What kind of shampoo do you use?: I'm using the pink Sunsilk one for dry hair
What are you listening to right now: Bright Eyes
Who is the last person that called you? Christian
How many buddies are online right now? 12
------------- F A V O R I T E S ---------------
Foods: I like it all but I esp like mexican cause you can never go wrong
girls names: Sadie Arienette Lana Daveney Alaia
Boys names: Holden and Cain
Subjects in school: English
Animals: puppies!
---------------- H A V E | Y O U | E V E R -------------
Given anyone a bath? yes
Bungee jumped?: hell no!
Ever been in love?: yes
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yeah
Cried when someone died? Yes
Fallen for your best friend?: unfortunetly
Done something you regret?: see above
------------- C U R R E N T---------------------
Music: didn't I just say Bright Eyes?
smell: Lychee and Fig
Desktop picture: Marie Antoinette
DVD in player: Mean Girls
--------------- A R E | Y O U ---------------------
Understanding: yes
Open-minded: yes
Arrogant: no
Insecure: of course
Random: uh-huh
Hungry: usually
Smart: terribly
Healthy: thats debatable
Shy: yes
Difficult: exceptionally
Bored easily: unfortunetly
Obsessed: with nearly everything
Angry: easily
Sad: occassionally
Happy: sometimes
Hyper: not as often
--------- W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A --------
Kill? China
Slap? Victoria
Get really wasted with?: A certain boy
Sex it up with: the whole of London and Orlando hahaha
------------------ R A N D O M ---------------------
In the morning I: am usually not awake
All you need is: friends
Love is: love
Playing with: your mom
opposite sex you're interested in?: what exactly is the question here?
--------- W H I C H | I S | B E T T E R ---------------
Coke or Pepsi: Diet Coke
Flowers or candy: ugh neither
Tall or short: not short
--------------- W H O ---------------
Makes you laugh the most: myself
Makes you smile: my bebis
-------------- D O | Y O U | E V E R -----------------
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you? when I was like 12
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: for a day
Wish you were younger: yes, always
Cry because someone said something to you?: more often something they haven't said
----------------- N U M B E R --------------
Of times I have had my heart broken: I've lost count
Of CD's I own: a few
Of scars on my body: bunches |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2007|02:29 am] |
You don't understand the fire in my heart or the heat of my wrath until it comes crashing down on your face.
I
DO
NOT
PLAY
No need to be scared now, you just wait and see.
Ps. Hannibal Lechter totally turns me on |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|03:54 pm] |
Your Autobiography
Part 1: The Birth of You
Were you a planned baby?: They kept me, and that's enough for me
Were you the first?: for my mom
Who was present at your birth?: my parents?
Were your parents married when you were born?: Yeah
When is your birthday? 11/07/85
Part 2: The Family
How would you describe your family?: BORING!
Are your parents married? yes
Siblings or an only child?: half brother
If you have siblings are you oldest? NO!
Which parent do you get along with best?: my wonderful Daddy
What do you fight about? everything
Do you have step parents?: no
Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?: yeah but not really
Who are your best friends?: oh goodness, y'all know
What do you like to do when you are together?: union square
Do you share the same interests?: mostly
Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem? Pretty high...I am amazing
Do you get depressed about things easily?: yeah probably...my emotions sway pretty easily
Are you happy?: ok
Do you live life to the fullest?: Prob not
Part 5: Appearance
Are you comforable with the way you look?: Comfortable, yes...but I could always do better
Do you have any piercings besides your ears? yeah
Describe your hair.: red, a-line, awesomeness
How do you dress?: black
Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child? I'm sure, I am a pretty strange child now
Do you have the same friends?: some
Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?: I don't think so, or maybe I've blocked it out like the rest of my childhood...hmm, then maybe the answer is yes
Part 7: The Future
What is your ambition?: not having to worry about much
Are you scared of growing old?: terrified
Do you want to get married?: yeah
Part 8: The Outdoors
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: indoors
What is your favorite season: spring
Weather?: light sweater weather
Do you like walking in the rain?: running and jumping
Part 9: Food
Are you a vegetarian?: No
What is your favorite food?: beans and cheese... I'm a Mexican
What is your favorite dessert?: anything coconutty
What is your favorite restaurant? this Thai place by Mel's house
Are you a fussy eater?: not really
Part 10: Relationships and Love
Are you single or taken?: Single
If taken who is the lucky guy/girl? N/A
Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?: no
Do you believe in love at first sight?: eh, maybe it's not love, but as soon as I look at someone, I can pretty much judge my future with them. Like: "yeah, we're gonna get together", or "I'll never see that person again"...etc. So, maybe, "We're gonna fall in love with each other" if that counts
Part 11: Expierences
What was one of your greatest experiences?: getting my amazing job and then celebrating with all my bestest friends
What was one of your worst?: high school
Have you ever thought you were going to die?: yes, before my 18th birthday
Truth -
1. Do you like anyone?: yeees
2. Do they know it? yeah
3. Simple or complicated?: extremely complicated
In the Last Month -
1. Bought anything?: Yes
2. Felt dumb?: sure
3. Talked to an ex?: unfrtunetly
4. Missed someone?: terribly
5. Failed a test: I'm over test taking, bitches
6. Ate cereal?: no
7. Danced crazy? constantly
8. Got your hair cut?: no
Unique -
1. Nervous habits?: tugging at my ear
2. Can you roll your tongue?: yes
3. Can you raise one eyebrow?: yes
4. Can you cross your eyes?: yes
5. Do you make your bed daily?: somewhat haphasardly
6. Do you think you are unique?: doesn't everyone?
Have you Ever -
1. Given money to a homeless person? yes
2. Said "I Love you" and meant it? Yes
3. Waited all night for a phone call? Every night
4. Sat and looked at the stars? I live in Manhattan, you must mean the planes
Manners -
1.Do you swear? yup
2.Do you ever talk back to people? no, but only because i only think of something to say like 5 minutes after they've walked away
3.Do You cook your own food? if by cook you mean microwave, then no
4.Do You do your own chores? for the most part, and no
5.Do You like beef jerky? yes
6. You like pepsi or coke? diet coke
7. You're happy with your hair? pretty much, that is until everyone tried to be me
8. You own a dog? yes sir
9. Do you like to swim? yes
10. When you get bored do you call a friend?: no, I'll go on myspace, I'm not a huge fan of the phone
Do you Prefer -
1. Flowers or candy? neither...letters
2. White or black? black
3. Color or black and white photos? I don't judge
4. Red or Black? both
5. Lust or Love? Love
6. Winter or Summer? Spring
7. Tea or coffee? tea
8. Ice cream or Cake? icee
9. Christmas or Thanksgiving? Christmas |
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| Day 1 of Cleanse |
[Jan. 3rd, 2007|01:23 am] |
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I weighed in at a whooping 126!! My highest weight I can remember. Drank the tea tonight and the cleanse officially starts tomorrow. |
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| Brittany brought it back |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|02:20 pm] |
----------Last Person Who -------------
x. Slept in your bed: me
x. Saw you cry: Viv
x. Made you cry: me
x. You shared a drink with: Brittany
x. You went to the movies: Viv
x. You went to the mall with: Brittany
x. Yelled at you: Viv
x. Sent you an email: um.. Facebook?
---------------HAVE YOU EVER---------------
x. Have you ever liked someone who hadn't like you?: they usually end up liking me...I'm persistent
x. Said "I Love You" and meant it? always
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: haha...all the time, Wes is so the favourite
x. Been to California: nope
x. Been to Hawaii: nope
x. Been to Mexico: yup
x. Been to Europe: nope
x. Been to Canada: nope...apparently, I havent been that many places...seconded
x. Danced naked: yeah
x. Do you have a crush on someone: yess
x. What book are you reading now: ugh none...I have no time
x. Worst feeling in the world: helpless
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? just Tristan
x. What's under your bed: mostly shoes
x. Favorite sport to watch: gymnastics!
x. Siblings: 1
x. Location: NY
x. College plans: um...get into one?
x. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: yes maam
------------------------EXTRA STUFF----------------------
x. Do you do drugs: not really anymore
x. Do you drink: sure
x. What are you most scared of: people shattering and moving cars without drivers
x. Where do you want to get married: The real question here is ...Do I WANT to get married
x. Who do you really hate: hmm... Caitlin, China, Katie...anyone that really hurts me or people that I love
x. Been in Love: yes
x. Do you drive: ha, no I'm terribly afraid of killing someone
x. Do you have a job: yes, I'm a MAC artist and I rule
x. Do you like being around people: only a selct few, not most people
----------------STUFF---------------------
x. Have you ever cried over something or someone of the opposite sex did: usually thats the case
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go for? not really
x. Want someone you don't have right now: no
x. Are you lonely right now: just bored
x. Song thats sticks in your head a lot: a bunch
x. Do you want to get married: yes, but I'm not allowed to at the moment
x. Do you want kids: yes, 3...a boy and two girls
----------------FAVORITE---------------------
x. Room in house: bedroom, if only it were clean the way I want it
x. music: most things but I esp like punk rock
x. Band(s): shhh
x. Color: pink and like emerald green
x. Perfume or cologne?: perfume?
x. Month: November
x. Stone: Pink diamonds
--------------IN THE LAST WEEK, HAVE YOU---------------
x. Cried: yes
x. Bought something:yes, makeup...60% bitches
x. Gotten sick: yes
x. Sang: yes
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: yes, and then did so
x. Met someone new: yup
x. Missed someone: yes
x. Hugged someone: yes
x. Kissed someone: yes
----------- I N F O R M A T I O N ------------
Name: Erica Elyse
Status: Dangerously In Love
Sex: female
Birthday: November 7,1985
Hair color: brown at this exact moment but it might be red by the end of the day
Eye color: green
Height: 5'3"
----------- F A S H I O N | S T U F F --------------
Where is your favorite place to shop for clothes?: H&M and forever 21 cause I'm a broke bitch
Favorite designer?: umm...marc jacobs
What is your sexiest outfit?: everything I wear is pretty damn sexy
What is your most comfortable outfit?: yoga pants and an urban t shirt
What do you usually wear? jeans and a t
-------------- S P E C I F I C S -------------------
What kind of shampoo do you use?: I'm using philosophy's sheer splendor right now
What are you listening to right now: jason mraz
Who is the last person that called you? viv
How many buddies are online right now? 24
------------- F A V O R I T E S ---------------
Foods: I like it all but I esp like mexican cause you can never go wrong
girls names: Sadira Vivienna, Sadie for short, Danielle Victoria
Boys names: Holden
Subjects in school: English
Animals: puppies!
---------------- H A V E | Y O U | E V E R -------------
Given anyone a bath? yes
Bungee jumped?: hell no!
Ever been in love?: yes
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yeah
Cried when someone died? Yes
Fallen for your best friend?: ha, yes
Done something you regret?: yes
------------- C U R R E N T---------------------
Music: didn't I just say Jason?
smell: sugar cookie
Desktop picture: something MAC related
DVD in player: The Notebook
--------------- A R E | Y O U ---------------------
Understanding: yes
Open-minded: yes
Arrogant: no
Insecure: of course
Random: uh-huh
Hungry: usually
Smart: terribly
Healthy: thats debatable
Shy: yes
Difficult: exceptionally
Bored easily: unfortunetly
Obsessed: with nearly everything
Angry: easily
Sad: occassionally
Happy: mostly
Hyper: not as often
--------- W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A --------
Kill? China
Slap? China
Get really wasted with?: I never want to get really wasted...it's so...wasteful
Sex it up with: I wanna sex you up!
------------------ R A N D O M ---------------------
In the morning I: am usually not awake
All you need is: friends
Love is: love
Playing with: your mom
opposite sex you're interested in?: not much
--------- W H I C H | I S | B E T T E R ---------------
Coke or Pepsi: coke
Flowers or candy: ugh neither
Tall or short: not short
--------------- W H O ---------------
Makes you laugh the most: myself
Makes you smile: my bitches
-------------- D O | Y O U | E V E R -----------------
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you? when I was like 12
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: for a day
Wish you were younger: yes
Cry because someone said something to you?: not frequently
----------------- N U M B E R --------------
Of times I have had my heart broken: multiple
Of CD's I own: a few
Of scars on my body: bunches |
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| Wasting time |
[May. 15th, 2006|03:21 pm] |
RED = anger
1. Are you currently mad at someone?: not really
2. Which of your friends has the worst temper?: me
.
3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone?: all the time
4. Does your face turn red when you're angry?: no, but that would be cool
5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell and scream?: scream and kill, I mean yell
ORANGE = excitment
1. Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party?: yes...it was a thing for a while
2. Are you easily excited?: yes very
3. What event is coming up that you're most excited about?: um, I don't have one...sadness
4. Which of your friends is most excitable?: Jasmine when you're talking about the right thing
5. If you won a million dollars what would be your first thought?: bills, LA, Shopping spree
YELLOW = self discovery
1. Name: Erica
2. Where were you born?: Manhattan
3. Whats your main goal in life?: To not have any major worries
4. Do you want to have children?: yup, real soon
5. How do you want to die?: tragically
GREEN; opinions
1. Sex before marriage?: who cares anymore?
2. Gay Marriage?: should be legal
3. Lower the Drinking age?: I don't think we should even have a drinking age
4. Abortion?: pro-choice for the world, but I'm against it
5. Recycling?: um...who is against recycling?
BLUE = dream
1. What was your latest dream?: I beat the shit out of China but got Viv shot
2. Have any of your dreams come true?: yup, but hopefully not that one
3. Do you usually remember your dreams?: usually
4. What as the weirdest dream you've ever had?: they're all pretty weird
PURPLE = love
1. Straight, Gay, Bi?: straight...ha
2. Do you have a bf/gf: I have a gf
3. Do you have a crush?: yes, sir
4. Who is the best hugger that you know?: I am, and Viv's a close second
5. Do you believe in Love at first sight?: yup |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2006|11:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  devious | ] |
| You Are 82% Evil | 
You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2006|10:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
I fucking hate China. China, for those of you interested and who don't already know, is Vivian's roommate and "best friend." Those of you that I speak to nearly everyday know just how much and why I truly despise her, but it's recently been an issue between Viv and I and I feel the need to get it out and frankly, I feel this is the place to do so. First of all, she is the most selfish, self-centered and careless person I have ever had the misfortune of knowing. She is completely irresponsible and a pothead, not to mention a bitch. She's terribly insecure and transparent and likes to make other people feel bad in order to make her pitiful self feel better about her pathetic existance. She likes to call Viv a homo and a dyke cause she thinks it's funny even after Viv has told her how much it hurts her. She practically told Viv that she was a burden and won't give her a ride anyway around their "5 minute away" campus without asking for gas money or complaining along the way. I've felt this way for the longest time and asked Viv on many occassions if I could just avoid her completely, to no avail. So in order to try and keep peace, really an internal peace, because everytime I see her or hear her name, I want to rip her eyes out and make her choke on them, for Valentine's day I bought her lipgloss and a nailpolish. Not in a way to suck up, but to have her suck up to me rather, so that i might be able to feign friendliness a little better. Her response was an incredibly sarcastic, bitter..."what's this?" C'mon now, any girl, especially a self-proclaimed girly girl can recognize, or read for that matter, what lipgloss is. From that moment on, I gave up trying with her. When Viv begged me to ask her to drive us to the mall one day, I reluctantly agreed although I'd have much rather taken the bus. What I didn't know was that Viv had to pay ten dollars in gas money for a 10 minute trip at max. So when we arrive at the gas station and Viv realizes she doesn't have her debit card on her, do you know what that fucking bitch's response was? Not "don't worry about it," it wasn't even "you can get me later." No, no...it was "Should I go back to the house?" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? 10 bucks for gas and she wants to turn the car around to go get it, or perhaps it was a statement that if we couldn't pay her, we couldn't go to the mall. Now tell me, a cab back cost me $15, what kind of favor was that? I'd much rather have paid an extra $5 to not have to sit in her car. (mind you, I fronted China the $10 for gas which she took without hesitation) What kind of friend is that? Then, last weekend, I went up there to see Viv again and as soon as I get through the door, we get into a fight.(long story) Viv's friends were there and since we were fighting, she asked them to leave. I walked out for a little while because I couldn't believe that I had spent $120 and 5 hours on the bus and we were already fighting. (again long story) I come back and Viv and I patch things up, but right outside the door I hear China discussing how "She's such a bitch. It's not even her house, she can't kick people out, that's mad rude" Ha...rude. I have known Vivian since she was 13, for 8 years now, while China has known her for just under 4 and yet China seems to think that she knows her better or has any rights to calling me rude. I want to kick her in the teeth. Knowing that I couldn't look at her that weekend without starting a fight, I did my best to avoid or ignore her as best as possible. I didn't say hi when she entered the room or even acknowledge her presence. Funny thing is, Vivian would go out of her way to say hi to her and China compeletly ignored her. When Vivian asked her if anything was wrong, China coyly responded that she didn't know Viv was talking to her. Funny cause she was the only person who had entered the room. Yet, they both laughed it off. It's little things like that, that make me want to bash her head in my knee. Like while we were up there, and asleep mind you, she decided to blast the stereo...not in her room, or even in the living room...but in the room right next to Viv's. But Viv won't dare say a word, or even play her music while the girls are asleep. And I think that's what pisses me off the most. China can be a bitch, I could care less...but the problem lies in her being a bitch to Vivian and Vivian thinking she's God's fucking gift to the world. When Viv starts to emulate that fucking coward and think her advice (which always happens to be "man up") is gold, that's when I have a problem with it. Which brings me to my next point... Last night, as it usually does, this whole problem we've been facing came up. And I tried my best to at least get her to see my point. I mean, I'll be honest, I'd much rather have Viv never see China again. I think that would greatly solve a lot of problems we've been having. But I'll be realistic. I would never make Vivian choose between her friends and me. Don't get me wrong, as much as I'd like her to, I would never ask her for anything like that because I value my close friendships more than anything and I couldn't ever make that decision. Anyway, we start getting into it about them and apparently how I treated them coldy and what not and how she would just deal with it and so on. (FYI: "Them" is China and Katie. Katie is just as awful as China is, but that's only because Katie has no personality of her own and since China is a controlling and manipulative bitch, she takes full advantage of her.)So Vivian tells me that I apparently haven't tried hard enough and that the girls only treat me as badly as I've treated them. Can you fucking believe that shit? After I'm continuously telling her that she always chooses her friends over me, how she's never defended me about anything, how she constantly put me aside to cater to their every need, that I haven't tried hard enough to be friends with them. No, spending $25 on each of them for Valentine's Day only to hear "what's this?" and a "thanks" shouted from down the hall isn't trying? Or stocking their house with juice and cookies because she mentioned that's what they like isn't trying hard enough? I fucking hate China, and for those of you who know me, you know that me just being in the same room quietly with someone I hate so passionatly takes a lot on my part. And I hated Caitlin...I hated her for how she treated me and I couldn't stand being 50 feet from her. To watch the Love of Your Life be treated like shit by someone she cares for and loves so much, hurts me so much more than Caitlin ever could, and it's terribly hard for me to play nice. I really think I've tried just about as hard as I could have. It breakes my heart to see Viv adore her so much and to stand up for her the way she does and to put me on hold because China feels neglected, all for this stupid fucking bitch that has no fucking spine, no good use, and could care less about Viv. I fucking hate her and I think she'll continue to be the source of many arguements between us until I take out all my pent up rage on her disgusting face. You bitches don't know just how fucking crazy I am. Right, Brit? |
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| I havent updated or done a survey in a whiiiile |
[May. 10th, 2006|12:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
Today did you...
1. Talk to a boy/girl you like: yes
2. Bought something to eat: not yet
3. Get sick: no
4. Sing: yes...always
5. Realize anything new: yes, unfortunetly
6. Talk to an ex: oh god no
7. Miss someone: always
Last person who...
8. Slept in your bed: besides me? BritBrit
9. Saw you cry: Vivian is like the only one who's seen me cry besides my mom
10. You went to the movies with: Brit, we saw Stick It...way awesome!
11. You went to the mall with: Viv
12. You said "I love you" to and meant it: Viv
13. That made you laugh: Viv
14. Said they loved you: Viv
15. Called you in the middle of the night: I'm usually on the phone with Viv, but Chris def has a thing for calling me at like 3 or 4 in the morning
Random
16. Do you have a crush on someone:
She's the love of my life and I totally have a crush on her
17. What book are you reading now:
Coming Back...it's about Reincarnation...totally above your head...ha
18. Best feeling in the world:
Falling asleep holding her in my arms..chessy? yes. true? indeed
19. What's under your bed:
shoes and monsters
20. Favorite sports to watch:
ew...gymnastics?
21. Favorite Location:
with her
22. Piercing/Tattoos: six in my ears, one in my belly button, and a tattoo on the way...ha but I've been saying that for years now
23. What are you most scared of right now? Growing up
24. Where do you want to get married:
Anywhere that'll let me
25. Who do you really hate:
Oh, there's a list but I'll keep it to myself
26. Does anyone hate you: I'm sure of it
27. Do you like being around people:
Not really for the most part, I think most people are really dull and don't do much for me
28. Have you ever cried:
just once...lies
29. Are you lonely right now:
yeah
30. Song that's stuck in your head right now:
Unfaithful
31. Been on radio/TV:
Yeah, I was a Gerber Baby...I tell everyone
32. Ever liked someone, but you think they never noticed you:
Not really...I'l make myself noticed
33. Ever liked someone who treated you like crap:
That sounds like a pattern of mine
34. How many beds did you lay in yesterday?
Just mine
35. What color shirt are you wearing?
Orange
36. Name one thing that you do every day.
Sunscreen folks...way important!
37. Whats the color of your bedroom walls?
Sage
38. How much cash do you have on you right now?
On my being? none...I'm in Pj's, probably like 10 in my jacket though
39. I can't wait till..?
I get into/out of school
40. When was the last time you saw your dad?
Last night
41. Who got you to join myspace?
I'm sure it was Jasmine
42. What did you have for dinner last night?
Stuffing! and other less important things
43. Look to your left. Whats there?
The front door
44. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
A dress I borrowed from Brit for Jasmine's birthday
45. What website do you visit the most?
Facebook probably
46. Do you have plants in your room?
No
47. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Yes, always...I'm such an old lady
48. What city was your last cab ride in?
New York
49. What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
Green Tea Lemonade in the summer and Chai Lattes in the winter
50. Recent time you were really upset?
Last night
Last...
1. Person you saw: Mom
2. Hug: Viv
3. Song you listened to: Unfaithful |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2005|08:18 pm] |
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I'm going crazy again, guys. I feel it. Not leaving my bed for days at a time, except to take long baths 2 to 3 times a day. It always happens around this time...and it's starting again... |
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| I just drank a tall glass of Haterade |
[Sep. 11th, 2005|11:14 pm] |
Viv and I had our first real big fight the other night. It was bad... well, it was silly, but we were both crying hysterically. She came down for the weekend and she left today...again. It was rough on both of us...and it still is...my phone bill is def going to be paying for it. She is one of the best things to happen to me, next to Brittany. Without them, I'd def have lost my mind by now because I realized I have a lot of hatred for mankind and those girls def keep me sane. I need to quit my job. Now that Melissa is there and hitting on Henri, I want to slit her throat even more. Ugh...see...hatred. Oh and I found out that a lot of girls that I went to high school with think I'm a bitch. HA! Good bitches!
Vivian's birthday is in less than a month and I don't know what to get her...actually, I can't decide because there's a lot that I want to get her because there's so much that she needs.
And then my birthday!!! woohoo...what should I do? Give me ideas bitches... |
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| PS |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|01:15 pm] |
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I want to go out tonight boys and girls. I know I can count and Brittany (so don't dissapoint me bitch) but I don't give a shit who else comes so bring your asses and your moms asses and whoever else you feel like |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|12:59 pm] |
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I ate an entire pie from Dominoes last night. That's right, 8 entire slices, by myself. And I never got that "you're completely full, please stop eating" feeling. Not even after I was done. I am a beast. |
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| This entry is dedicated to Brittany Ameris Harte, the love of my life. |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|06:19 pm] |
Yesterday I went shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond with Brittany. I got some things for my room that I needed desperately and it was very nice because I got to see my bebi and I hadn't seen her in two whole days and I missed her tons. I love her and I can't wait until we live together. My electronic problems are getting better. I called Verizon to find out about my contract and they said it's the perfect time to get a new phone because my contract is over next Friday AND there's a new plan that includes unlimited text messaging btw Verizon peoples so that means me and Vivian and Brittany once she gets Verizon...so YAY! And then today my dad took in my laptop to get fixed at his job and they said they could fix it and most likely save all my stuff so that's another big YAY! For now I'm on my parents computer, which was such a bitch to let me get on...in fact they dont even know I'm on it...which i think is so selfish because in Utah where I had my laptop, they had no problem waking me up to log them in so that they could check their mail as if it were that important. Whatever, they are leaving soon.
So a certain number of you know that I've been looking at this school in California and if it's not terribly expensive, I really think I'm going to go. It's a 12 week (3 month) program at the most prestigious "makeup academy" in the country. It's in Hollywood and I would need to get an apartment out there for a little while. I'd probably end up going for next semester, depending on when it starts. I was thinking I could even take night and weekend classes at some local school over there and most likely finish up my associates out there so that when I come back I could be at FIT for my bachelors full time which is what I've been dying to do. What I think the best part is... is that when I go out there, that will be the same time my parents go out to Utah and Brittany will be at home with the apartment. So then when I come back, it's all Erica and Brittany, all the time. I'm so excited.
Vivian says I'm a lesbian for the way I talk about Brittany, so then I call her a lesbian back, but it really doesn't have the same affect. le sigh |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2005|12:33 pm] |
So, I put in my new availability. Starting this coming week I'm only available Sundays open to close and Mondays from open to 7. And Julie said she was sad about it so maybe she'll hook it up with like 9 or even 9 hour shifts so I could be making about 16 - 18 hours a week which isn't too bad. At least it won't make me want to die, anymore. I went in to Sephora to ask for yet another application, because my parents told me...very non-chalantly, that they had gotten oil all over my recently completed one, and the one in SoHo is no longer hiring. I'm sure the one in Union is, but I'm just sad because I wanted to stay close to my SoHo kids so we could occassionally go to lunch together or something. But oh well...a job is a job. On my way home though, I passed by this other makeup place and asked the guy working there how he got hired and what I would need and he was just like, oh it's my line that we use, and I was like, well...that explains that then. Then he asked me questions about myself and gave me his card and said that I should put a book together and swing by and he would introduce me to his agent, which...if I ever get a real book together, could be promising. And so when I told my parents that they responded, oh well then just put a book together as if it were oh so simple. I would need about 15 - 20 real live models and at least one real, live photographer....and since I don't know any of the above, it's really not as simple as it sounds. Not like I can just sit down one weekend and have a book done. But anyway...
I had this awful dream last night. Not really a dream, but just an awful representation of everything that is wrong with my life at the moment. My laptop needs serious help. It won't turn on anymore and I don't know how to fix it. My cellphone battery is practically dead and doesn't last for more than a few hours. Not to mention that I've ridiculously overused my text messages so much so that my dad will probabaly flip. My iPod has died completely and they said there isn't much they can do for me except offer me 10% off a new one...I can't afford anyway. My room is a wreck and there isn't really much I can do with it...Brittany can atest to that one. And now, I deperatley need another job, one that can fix all my above problems and also give me enough money to move out of here. My mother and I just got into a huge screaming match because she said I looked depressed and I was really just thinking about all the things that I need to fix right now and so I told her and she went on about how everything is my fault. Granted, I do own all of the things that are going wrong but my iPod dying is not my fault by any means, and neither is my phone battery, and really, neither is my laptop, but until we know what's actually wrong with it, that's kind of up in the air. So she tells me that my dads going to freak out about the cell phone bill, which I am anticipating, but after I thought about it for a while, it might not be such a bad thing. Because if I want my sidekick, I could afford it, and paying for it on my own, but I couldn't afford cancelling my current contract on top of that. So if he loses it enough to just cancel my phone, it could work in my advantage. Of course, I don't feel like explaining this to my mom. So then she tells me that I need to start saving my money. Now this absolutely infuriates me. First of all, I've been working for six months, do you think I haven't been saving money? Second of all, don't you think I realized by now...after my list of electronic problems, that I haven't realized ON MY OWN that I need to be saving money? So as she continues on, she says that my dad would be willing to help me if I got off my ass and showed that I was good for something. Well doesn't that sound like some good ole motherly advice? I have absolutely no temper by now and start screaming about how I don't want anyone's help ever again, I never have because they complain that I'm spoiled and then give me everything I ask for and then yell at me some more for being spoiled. And now, when I'm trying real hard to be 20 and try and get something for myself, they want to give it to me. I'll be straight up...they give me an allowance, let me live here rent free, pay for my cell phone bill and occassionally make dinner. Honestly, them doing that for me has made life a lot easier for me and has allowed me to worry about other things for myself. But they also act like if they didn't do that for me, I would be living on the streets. I could afford to pay my cell phone bill without a problem. I could afford to live without an allowance. Mostly, I feed myself and if it really really came down to it...I have two people who would let me live with them rent free and if we put our minds to it, Brittany and I could def find an apt together. So whatever...they arguement with my mother ends by her telling me to grow up. Ironic, isn't it? |
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